IF I HAD LEGS I’D KICK YOU (2025)

Written & Directed By: Mary Bronstein 

Cinematography: Christopher Messina 

Editor: Lucian Johnston

Cast: Rose Byrne, A$ap Rocky, Conan O’Brien, Ivy Wolk, Delaney Quinn, Danielle Macdonald, Christian Slater, Josh Pais, Ella Beatty, Mary Bronstein

While trying to manage her own life and career, a woman on the verge of a breakdown must cope with her daughter’s illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and an unusual relationship with her therapist.


This is dramatic, but present presented as a dark comedy

One can remember the first time I saw Rose Byrne in a film. It was in a disastrous epic movie Troy and I remember not being that impressed by her and it seems like since then if she had heard, she took it as a personal upfront because it seems like since then she has done nothing but build her career and impress in numerous performances that she sometimes gets credited with, but not enough in my view and here she gives an Oscar level performance think general Rowlands in a woman under the influence and her intensity

The film also has her character leading with all sorts of catastrophes that are making her breakdown and the camera seems to present most scenes, especially with her an extreme close-up, so you can never escape her intensity just as she seems to never be able to escape her ongoing problems and challenges

IT’S interesting that her character is a therapist as clearly she is breaking down and has her own therapist, and her job is to listen to other people‘s problems and give advice, but she can’t seem to solve her own as well as taking care of a disabled daughter and a husband who is not supportive truly, and never there

Randomly Conan O’Brien is in this movie, which is a welcome surprise, especially if you’re a fan of his though in a role that is quite different 

One of the wisest decisions is that her child is often in the scenes, but remains unseen, so while she has this illness, we never quite see her. She is kind of a phantom where we wonder what she looks like, but it might also be because it would be hard to find a child to give a physical and unbelievable performance for that character. While mostly throughout we are given fl glimpses of her. when eventually the child is revealed it is at a pivotal point. It seems as a must rather than play the character is almost invisible or imaginary.

Not sure that this film was produced by Josh Safdie, as it does feel like one of his films maybe not visually but with a main character going through increasing pressure and as the film goes on, they’re being an unrelenting tension that doesn’t seem to offer any distractions and the character coming more and more unhinged

Though the film is like the character at first, it seems a little light, a little more comedic and then as it goes along, it gets a little darker and has a little more pressure then by the end it just feels like there’s nowhere to go nowhere a turd and it doesn’t offer any answers or show that any character is a saint nor a villain they are just who they are in life. Is that way too there’s no definitive answer. There’s no let up Sometimes. It can be random.

It is surprising how much it has gripped you by the end and how much you care. Even as itnolays like an emotional horror film as it unfolds especially towards the end.

Grade: B+

FREELANCE (2023)

Directed By: Pierre Morel

Written By: Jabob Lentz

Cinematograohy: Thierry Arbogast

Editor: Chris Tonick

Cast: John Cena, Alison Brie, Juan Pablo Raba, Christian Slater, Marton Csokas, Alice Eve, Sebastian Eslava 

An ex-special forces operative takes a job to provide security for a journalist as she interviews a dictator, but when a military coup breaks out in the middle of the interview, they are forced to escape into the jungle.

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A one and done entertaining enough to keep your interest, but never a desire to return or see it again 

All the ingredients are there for a typical run of the meal action comedy starring John Cena and the lovely Alison Brie who still looks ravishing with each role. 

One of the many problems here is, though they don’t have any real chemistry with one another, which helps power these films as the mismatched bodyguard and subject who don’t necessarily end up, romantically with one another, but have such polar opposite personalities that they are usually arguing with one another, but have great banter 

The action scenes try to be exciting, but they come across very basic but entertaining the most surprising thing about the film was that Cristian Slater has a supporting role that is smaller than it should be. Coming from action movie director veteran Pierre Morel (TAKEN, PEPPERMINT) One would expect something a bit better. Even if just visually. 

I wish I could say that there’s something that sets up this movie to be something different than your basic action film that has a male and female that don’t get along, but learn to respect each other and work together.

The only difference might be that their relationship doesn’t go where you expected to. Other than that, this is pretty much a paint by numbers, action comedy that is possibly enough to be entertaining, but doesn’t offer too much originality, especially with John Cena and the lead who does what the script calls for and while he does have the comedic chops and the action sensibility And the charisma the film, just please you don’t really feel anything.

It’s entertaining enough to pass away the 90 minutes in. Again Alison Brie as always is quite sexy in this movie though doesn’t really get to do much of the action .

In the film is more noteworthy for its comedic scenes rather than its action scenes. As that might be the film, saving Grace as other than that it’s brutally violent with a not necessarily memorable villain, 

I want fries, but can’t tell if it’s the visuals or the budget the direction but things just seem to be a bit off. I won’t let it overcome. It’s weaknesses

it plays simple enough for its audience. As a good time waster. 

Grade: C